Oh my god! It has been almost a WHOLE year!! Cant believe it.I am in a different time and place and space now. Do last year's thoughts seem irrelevant now? Yes, a few but no, not much. I have missed 2 of my friends weddings and going to miss 2 more such good weddings. This doesn't make me feel good at all. I guess, nothing can be done about it. Is the answer I would like to give but I know that something can be done about it and it is I who has to do it. All it would take is a will and little money. In the bargain, I would get what I want, will have loads of fun and a lot more peace of mind. I dont think I will do it though.I don't have the money and am scared. Scared of i do not know what, but, I know I am. Scared that I will have too much fun. :)
Anyway, things have changed since my last post. I am in a different country. Surrounded by strangers and mostly the 4 walls I call a house.i have a lot of time and I can use it to pen down my erratic thoughts and reflect on them. I will not do it though because I am scared. Scared that what i am thinking would not go well with the society, people I love etc. Nevertheless, I would continue to think my thoughts and keep them private. I am not ashamed of them because I have accepted the fact that I have a tendency to flow out of this mold that i am supposed to contain/ restrict myself. I am glad they are only thoughts and not actions! For i will not like myself acting upon those thoughts. I would not be able to forgive myself otherwise. Just to make things clear, these thoughts are as harmless as a bee sting and nothing more. :P
What am I doing with my life is something I do not know. I do know that i am wasting it. Wasting the most important phase called the "youth". I think I am growing old before my time. So, honestly I don't consider this my youth but my age says so and I do not want to contradict it because it is . as i said before, I mold made for the society. Why do I think i am wasting it? Because I am not being worthwhile and by that, i mean only one thing, I am not being financially productive. Financially sound is the most important thing in my life after health. Everyone is healthy and thank god for that but I am getting wasted. Some people fail to understand how important this is for me. Which bugs me a little but then, it is none of my business what people think about me. It is between their heads and mind. Only when they start to try and TELL me about how this should NOT bother me as I have other (insignificant things as per my priorities)things to "fall" back on does it get me bugged like crazy! (let me stop at that for today)
Somethings have not changed at all. I still am a hot tempered, impatient individual who has remained an individual. i am a quick learner but there are some lessons that my stubborn mind refuses to learn. I am proud of them in someways but also realize that it might create a few hassles for my personal life. I do care. Rest of the crap, some other time...
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, October 27, 2007
phew!...that felt good :)
What is with this idea called "marriage"...n why do we need to have a wedding..is something that somehow never got into this small head of mine. So, these 2 people get together..they think they like each other and are daring enough to think that they want to spend most of the time with each other and, that this whole time together will not make them hate each other eventually. What is so great about this thought process that the respective parents have to start talking, and arrange for a wedding, discuss about how the so called wedding would go, where, what, how to, who etc etc...
In effect, I think that this is a completely useless way of passing time by parents..apparently,it involves few months preparation and a whole lot of "spending" and with it, lots of altercations,arguments, ego hassles etc that go with it...for what?..for a Charade or this drama if I may call it..to show off to the world that we have so much money and we can afford (even if we cant afford, we "borrow" money) such and such place, so much gold or other precious metal jewelery, fine silk clothes, a variety of cuisines, a hotel to make the guests stay, gifts for people whom we hardly speak to, etc...hey!..n not to forget the good lord above!...even he is showered with this expensive sort of "love & devotion" suddenly on this eve of a wedding!...phew!...and I am sure I am missing a lot more of this royal preparation in the above para..but anyway, you get the point right?...
And now comes my point of view..
Okay, so these 2 people have got together and also think they want to spend a lot of their left over time in this life with each other...SO WHAT!..What are you celebrating here? And why does this world need to see how much you can afford? Will they come to help you when you do not have the money?..NO! they wont!...they will come to you only when you have it!..If that is not enough, it is the elderly people who are most "kicked" about this whole wedding affair..!..They sit right there, ordering their kids to do so and so for the grand daughters & sons...My questions is, if you are so bloody enthusiastic about the wedding, be my guest and do it all over again...YOURSELF!...but just leave your grands alone!...PLEASE!..don't put us through this whole torture in the name of "we will be happy"..what the hell man!..haven't you been happier before this wedding? and what do YOU have to show to the world..If you want to have fun..go ahead and get married all over again!..don't put us through the ordeal damn it!..You have to understand that this is NOT your function..it is ours!..so let us just be!
And if you really think that your daughters & sons have so much money to show off to the world, then go arrange for a huge theater,get a tank of dirty filthy drain water.., show to the world you have soooooooooo much cash to drown in the drain!..and every person will applaud you! but KEEP OFF from other people's lives and let the protagonists of the function decide what they want to do and what not...just let them be happy and you find your happiness somewhere ELSE..after all it is THEIR day and not yours! Keep your stupid archaic ideas with you..your time is over...not let the youngsters live a it!..Do not poke your stupid head in their business for heaven's sake! Stop being materialistic and think about the Lord..it is about time you learn!
In effect, I think that this is a completely useless way of passing time by parents..apparently,it involves few months preparation and a whole lot of "spending" and with it, lots of altercations,arguments, ego hassles etc that go with it...for what?..for a Charade or this drama if I may call it..to show off to the world that we have so much money and we can afford (even if we cant afford, we "borrow" money) such and such place, so much gold or other precious metal jewelery, fine silk clothes, a variety of cuisines, a hotel to make the guests stay, gifts for people whom we hardly speak to, etc...hey!..n not to forget the good lord above!...even he is showered with this expensive sort of "love & devotion" suddenly on this eve of a wedding!...phew!...and I am sure I am missing a lot more of this royal preparation in the above para..but anyway, you get the point right?...
And now comes my point of view..
Okay, so these 2 people have got together and also think they want to spend a lot of their left over time in this life with each other...SO WHAT!..What are you celebrating here? And why does this world need to see how much you can afford? Will they come to help you when you do not have the money?..NO! they wont!...they will come to you only when you have it!..If that is not enough, it is the elderly people who are most "kicked" about this whole wedding affair..!..They sit right there, ordering their kids to do so and so for the grand daughters & sons...My questions is, if you are so bloody enthusiastic about the wedding, be my guest and do it all over again...YOURSELF!...but just leave your grands alone!...PLEASE!..don't put us through this whole torture in the name of "we will be happy"..what the hell man!..haven't you been happier before this wedding? and what do YOU have to show to the world..If you want to have fun..go ahead and get married all over again!..don't put us through the ordeal damn it!..You have to understand that this is NOT your function..it is ours!..so let us just be!
And if you really think that your daughters & sons have so much money to show off to the world, then go arrange for a huge theater,get a tank of dirty filthy drain water.., show to the world you have soooooooooo much cash to drown in the drain!..and every person will applaud you! but KEEP OFF from other people's lives and let the protagonists of the function decide what they want to do and what not...just let them be happy and you find your happiness somewhere ELSE..after all it is THEIR day and not yours! Keep your stupid archaic ideas with you..your time is over...not let the youngsters live a it!..Do not poke your stupid head in their business for heaven's sake! Stop being materialistic and think about the Lord..it is about time you learn!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
dont have a title...
I am very confused..as usual..
n this time it is not about some problems..i was only ruminating over certain things..it is so amazing that you get to meet a lot of people in the course of time..some you want to let go of immediately... some you want to keep for a little while and some for eternity. There are also times when this "eternity" category of people make promises and claims and with the wink of the eye vanish from the face of the earth.When you sit at home and get bored and you have nothing else to do in life, you tend to let your mind remenise over such people and instances in the past and wonder I could have done this differently..thi is where probable things went wrong..Good, I took that decision etc. etc... But somewhere every person you have encountered does leave a mark on you..Well, not EVERY person, I should say, the people you want to let mark your life...Okay, sometimes you have people u don't want to mark your life , also mar your life (What a complex sentence!..hope, it makes sense)..anyway, and then you resign to destiny and console yourself by saying "everything happens for good reason"...
There are people who pop in from your past and force you to go back to those days and remember details and want to know why and how and what happened with such and such individual... Now what is their problem in life i say..probably lack of gossip!..makes u feel sad..sad is not the right word I think..it is incomplete?..no..not really..life seems almost complete n boring to me now...jus make u feel empty and you feel like goin back to tht time in the past and changing it a lil bit..not regretting what you did also..but i really dont know how to say it... :(
n this time it is not about some problems..i was only ruminating over certain things..it is so amazing that you get to meet a lot of people in the course of time..some you want to let go of immediately... some you want to keep for a little while and some for eternity. There are also times when this "eternity" category of people make promises and claims and with the wink of the eye vanish from the face of the earth.When you sit at home and get bored and you have nothing else to do in life, you tend to let your mind remenise over such people and instances in the past and wonder I could have done this differently..thi is where probable things went wrong..Good, I took that decision etc. etc... But somewhere every person you have encountered does leave a mark on you..Well, not EVERY person, I should say, the people you want to let mark your life...Okay, sometimes you have people u don't want to mark your life , also mar your life (What a complex sentence!..hope, it makes sense)..anyway, and then you resign to destiny and console yourself by saying "everything happens for good reason"...
There are people who pop in from your past and force you to go back to those days and remember details and want to know why and how and what happened with such and such individual... Now what is their problem in life i say..probably lack of gossip!..makes u feel sad..sad is not the right word I think..it is incomplete?..no..not really..life seems almost complete n boring to me now...jus make u feel empty and you feel like goin back to tht time in the past and changing it a lil bit..not regretting what you did also..but i really dont know how to say it... :(
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
to hold in esteem or honor: Respect
I have never understood this word "Respect". What does it mean? I have looked through the dictionary and I see that it interprets respect as : # A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem. # The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
# Willingness to show consideration or appreciation # To refrain from intruding upon or interfering with...
I understand being appreciative, and non interference. I do no understand Honor. Probably, I should try and find the meaning of Honor..got it..Honor: honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions..yes I understand it now..
I understand what does it mean by saying that I respect this person and I don't respect that person. Do not take me wrong...dont misunderstand me by thinking that till date I have never understood the word respect or honor...I think they are the building blocks of ANY relationship.
But what I honestly do not understand is how can someone tell me "You should respect this person because I am respecting him". Now , this is something I cannot comprehend. What will make me respect a person honestly and truly would come from within myself and my mind, no one can force me to respect a person just because s/he is holding a high post ( I would respect the post and give the person the benefit of doubt by thinking that s/he has come here only cos they must have got something in them..but respecting the PERSON just because he holds the post doesn't cut ice with me) similarly, Do not expect me to respect a person only because s/he is old. I understand that the person has AGE and Experience behind him/her, but why should I respect that Age/Experience. What has this person done to achieve that Age or experience? Nothing! Everyone grows old and it is not an accomplishment by itself. Every person is subject to situations like it or not so, here again, it is not the individual who chose that "today I shall experience this and not this". Yeah, how the person comes out of the situation and what has the person learnt are more important to me. So, I would rather respect the learnings out of the lives than the mere age or experience factor.
From the learning, comes respect for the person. Well, in a few words... I need a Reason to respect a person...and a solid one at that.
Respecting someone's ideas is good with me, respecting someone's behavior is good too..but respecting someone who is authoritative and makes life miserable for everyone around...IS NOT. And even if you force me to do that, I would be merely acting and not truly feeling it. Even though that may satisfy the momentary need ( which is good with me), it will only increase my frustration levels and eventually turn into hatred.
# Willingness to show consideration or appreciation # To refrain from intruding upon or interfering with...
I understand being appreciative, and non interference. I do no understand Honor. Probably, I should try and find the meaning of Honor..got it..Honor: honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions..yes I understand it now..
I understand what does it mean by saying that I respect this person and I don't respect that person. Do not take me wrong...dont misunderstand me by thinking that till date I have never understood the word respect or honor...I think they are the building blocks of ANY relationship.
But what I honestly do not understand is how can someone tell me "You should respect this person because I am respecting him". Now , this is something I cannot comprehend. What will make me respect a person honestly and truly would come from within myself and my mind, no one can force me to respect a person just because s/he is holding a high post ( I would respect the post and give the person the benefit of doubt by thinking that s/he has come here only cos they must have got something in them..but respecting the PERSON just because he holds the post doesn't cut ice with me) similarly, Do not expect me to respect a person only because s/he is old. I understand that the person has AGE and Experience behind him/her, but why should I respect that Age/Experience. What has this person done to achieve that Age or experience? Nothing! Everyone grows old and it is not an accomplishment by itself. Every person is subject to situations like it or not so, here again, it is not the individual who chose that "today I shall experience this and not this". Yeah, how the person comes out of the situation and what has the person learnt are more important to me. So, I would rather respect the learnings out of the lives than the mere age or experience factor.
From the learning, comes respect for the person. Well, in a few words... I need a Reason to respect a person...and a solid one at that.
Respecting someone's ideas is good with me, respecting someone's behavior is good too..but respecting someone who is authoritative and makes life miserable for everyone around...IS NOT. And even if you force me to do that, I would be merely acting and not truly feeling it. Even though that may satisfy the momentary need ( which is good with me), it will only increase my frustration levels and eventually turn into hatred.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I lost the enthu to write...
I was so full of frustration a few mins back..just had to get it out of me somehow and had decided that writing it all out would calm my nerves...but then, I saw a lizard, sweared at it..the frusty level reduced a lil..or rather increased cos I detest Lizards..then I switched on the comp..an old freind pinged after a looooooong time..felt nice :)..n then I spoke to genius n
Lo Behold!..
I forgot what I was disgusted about!!!..
so no more of writing blog..
Lo Behold!..
I forgot what I was disgusted about!!!..
so no more of writing blog..
Monday, July 23, 2007
Time...
hey..
I am sad and frustrated. Well, not exactly SAD but I am agitated that nothing is "happening" in my life. Now, how is that possible? I have an impending marriage, impending job, impending move to another country(hopefully)...so, why am I agitated? Because the above mentioned things are not happening NOW and not in the near future ( By near future, I mean 6 months) But, what I know is that once the ball starts rolling, I wont be able to stop it or even halt it for sometime..n then again there would be a lull in my life again...
I guess that is what life is...it is like a wheel...keeps going on n on and then u suddenly realise- "oh my God! I have covered such a long distance!!"
You know what, everything has a time!..believe it or not...it is so amazing when you actually think about the happenings in this way..every single minute has a timing!..it is like a play/ movie..things have to happen at a particular time and place and occasion- it is impeccable!..
I guess, I just need to patient and wait for the clock to strike and things will roll!! and roll they will in such a manner that there will be no stopping to it...Well, i guess that is why they say.. live every minute..savour every second ..cos it is not going to come back...
Who knows after a few weeks/ months, I would crave for the situation I am in now!..so let me not feel as if this moment in my life is worth less than the one I am awaiting...after all this is my life too...so it better be the best...n it is upto me for making it that..let me give this moment it's due respect and honour it by feeling that I am enjoying it and living it.
I am sad and frustrated. Well, not exactly SAD but I am agitated that nothing is "happening" in my life. Now, how is that possible? I have an impending marriage, impending job, impending move to another country(hopefully)...so, why am I agitated? Because the above mentioned things are not happening NOW and not in the near future ( By near future, I mean 6 months) But, what I know is that once the ball starts rolling, I wont be able to stop it or even halt it for sometime..n then again there would be a lull in my life again...
I guess that is what life is...it is like a wheel...keeps going on n on and then u suddenly realise- "oh my God! I have covered such a long distance!!"
You know what, everything has a time!..believe it or not...it is so amazing when you actually think about the happenings in this way..every single minute has a timing!..it is like a play/ movie..things have to happen at a particular time and place and occasion- it is impeccable!..
I guess, I just need to patient and wait for the clock to strike and things will roll!! and roll they will in such a manner that there will be no stopping to it...Well, i guess that is why they say.. live every minute..savour every second ..cos it is not going to come back...
Who knows after a few weeks/ months, I would crave for the situation I am in now!..so let me not feel as if this moment in my life is worth less than the one I am awaiting...after all this is my life too...so it better be the best...n it is upto me for making it that..let me give this moment it's due respect and honour it by feeling that I am enjoying it and living it.
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